And, No, I Don’t Mean: Gerard Butler I Had a Hissy Fit at My Maker Here’s the deal: I’m a God-believing, church-service-watching, Joel-Osteen-preaching Jesus-freak. Whaaat? Oh, I know that statement alone is gonna scare off a bunch of y’all readers, so I need the rest of y’all to share my blog posts so I can […]
Let’s Talk Razor Burn.
…Because Then She Shaved My Face… If you want a detailed list of the cosmetic procedures I’ve done to look baby-face fresh, you’ll have to read my memoir. Or at least skip to that chapter. Oh wait, details are sprinkled throughout. In that case, feel free to skim-read—though, you would be missing out on plenty […]
Deja Vu: The Mid-Life Weary-Go-Round Crisis.
What To Do When We Don’t Know What To Do. Warning: F-bombs. Yes, my vagina is fine, thank you for asking. A little lonely perhaps, but isn’t everyone? I decided to write this blog sober (but not somber) because I’m in a coffee shop, and the baristas don’t take well to drunkards stumbling around asking […]
A Conversation with God(ly People).
I wrote my last blog (the one about masturbation and dildos) before meeting the born again Christians (or is that Born Again?) for a three-hour lunch and chat, which sort of turned into a bible session—only without the Bible but with a lot of talk about our Lord God Almighty. (I’m sure referencing Him requires […]
Modern ‘Medical’ Devices: Divinity Approved or The Devil Dared Me?
After a few days of frustration in trying to format/upload/preview my book to online retailers and then try to send them my bank info so they’ll know where to direct all those best-seller ebook funds (sideways glance) from the impending mega sales of my memoir—details to follow—I decide to take a breather. I drive around […]
Atonement: Love is the Answer
Last week I went to a Marianne Williamson event with my housemate, Mermaid, and another housemate, Sussex. Since Mermaid’s Prius’ backseat (and trunk) were still stocking-stuffer stacked to the brim with the numerous treasures she’s procured to resell at the next antique market, Sussex and I agree to share the passenger seat. I’m on top. […]
What’s Up Doc?—Certainly Not My pH! (Unease or Dis-ease)
May. After no holds barred à la boulangerie (French for “bakery”) in Paris whereupon I gained seven pounds in seven days despite excessive walking and ab workouts (coughing due to second-hand cigarette smoke), I’m sitting in my GP’s office with a point form list in my hand (my LMLotFM sits beside me: for comfort and […]
Poked and Prodded – Physically, Metaphysically
March. Poked and Prodded Part 1: Physically Me: “So I’ll just take my shirt off?” Him: “Leave your bra on.” Me: “It’s a workout top.” Him: “Put the straps under your arms.” Me: “Okay … but not the sweat pants, right?” Him: “Yes, take those off, too.” Me, avoiding eye contact: “But I haven’t shaved […]