Episode One: The Silver Fox I flew over on Harbour Air. The water-landing five-seater delivered me from the harbour of my adulthood hometown to the harbour of downtown Vancouver. Forty minutes and 25 pounds of luggage, and I’m in the “big city.” The intention was to stay at a girl friend’s place while she is […]
Born-Again Virgin Seeks Semi-Chauvinist And Meaning Of Life. Or A Job. P.S. Vagina.
I’m at The Broken Spoke, an espresso-slash-bicycle shop. It reminds me of Deus Cafe in Venice, California, only Deus has pricey cafe racers and low quality coffee. The BS has affordable pedal bikes and rich, delish espresso. As a California-converted coffee snob, I now drive across town (seven minutes) for the best stuff: thick as […]
New Prescription: Red Lipstick & BJs
Mermaid, Tango and I go on a road trip to Ojai. We drive along the Pacific Coastal Highway in his red Mercedes convertible. It’s a balmy day and the top is down, so I hop in the backseat and feel like a six-year old on her way to Disneyland. Mermaid rides shotgun; her curly tresses […]
And Then There Was One … As in: Me, As in: Single, Single Here! (As in: Sad sigh.)
After taking a FaceBreak for a month, I go back on social media hub central. As I’m not so inclined to browse through a month’s worth of newsfeed for ‘my closest 400+ best friends,’ I simply jump back in mid-stream. Interestingly, it is true that no one does miss you (me) when you (I) leave […]
The Art of Flirting
August. Getting ready for the music event (details later), my girlfriend and I discuss the art of flirting. Friend: “You’re so good at it, you have to show me what to do.” We’re both single. I reply, “It’s easy—make eye contact and laugh a lot.” Friend: “Okay, well, show me anyway.” She’s gorgeous and doesn’t […]
Bush Waxing: Tips to Get Through Your Fanny’s Forest
August. “Bush, bare or landing strip?” It seems like the most appropriate introductory question to ask a patio of a dozen men and women in their late 30s and 40s, most of whom I’ve just met. I’m at a friend of a friend’s house gathering and am preparing to go to an outdoor music event. […]
Alberta Beef Makes Me Horny
July. After a blow out with my family over (my) shit that needed to be dealt with (long time coming, will skip details but write sappy, dark, wrist-slashing prose later), I run away to recover a.k.a. calm my raging temper. Said temper, by the way, sends cortisol through my system leading to belly fat which […]
A Gamut of Guys—Gama Rays of Rejection OR Why Rejection is Good for You (Me)!
July. I met a great guy recently in my Small Town, who I hung out with for awhile, enjoyed the company of, laughed endlessly with, went on hikes with (well, one hike), had coffee with (thrice), and looked at real estate with (I’m no longer a licenced salesperson, therefore, don’t have a lockbox key, therefore, […]
Poked and Prodded – Physically, Metaphysically
March. Poked and Prodded Part 1: Physically Me: “So I’ll just take my shirt off?” Him: “Leave your bra on.” Me: “It’s a workout top.” Him: “Put the straps under your arms.” Me: “Okay … but not the sweat pants, right?” Him: “Yes, take those off, too.” Me, avoiding eye contact: “But I haven’t shaved […]
How to Stay Single and Save the Planet: Don’t Shave Your Bits
March. Nary a hair (make that hairs) hath hastened my journey to self-accepted (and decidedly steadfast) singledom than these unsightly sprouts springing forth on my wild and wintered legs. Was it the holistic hippy retreat, the brisk Canadian cold (first official day of spring and it’s snowing) or the “I’ll never move back to (small […]
