Warning: F-bombs and bitchiness. You’ve been warned. I wrote this a couple months ago, before… 🙁 Was it Mercury Retrograde or the MSG or was it MLM (My Little Mom) fading fast that made me so fucking cranky? See, a swear in the first fucking sentence. (Though, I do feel a little better getting that […]
Because Everyone Loves a Trip to the ER in the Middle of the Night
ER Stands for: Exciting Ride, Right? Riiight? Sister’s home, 3:00am My sister wakes me from a delta sleep by touching my toe. Like that projectile vomiting girl in The Exorcist movie, I sit straight up with a start and gasp. My sister’s expression tells me we’re going to the hospital again, but that the situation […]
Kiss and Tell. Fuckit, Why Not?
People have different ways of dealing with the impending death of a loved one. Some of those ways might not be considered healthy, but I say if we can garner a laugh out of it—and walk away without STDs or too many bruises (inner or outer)—then, BAM, why the F not? Here’s how it went […]
Friendship and Houseguests
As previously mentioned, the first month I owned my cozy abode, I wasn’t in Vancouver. A desperate and destitute friend—needing a temp place pronto—moved in with her three pups. Did I mention three dogs are not permitted in my building? Did I mention I’m a cat person? The second month that I own the place […]
A Serious Case of the Sads.
Since I haven’t written in what seems like forever, I’m going to have to just sum up. I’ve gone through a shit storm of sadness with people I love dropping like flies. I can’t tell you any more than that because it involves others who are private and don’t want people to know what’s going […]
Death, Dating … Dominatrix? I Am Disturbed.
Facetious Financier wouldn’t tell me how he got the photo of my butt, but it was posted on Facebook for a while because I was in the midst of my midlife crisis at the time and, well, why not, right? I was already on my way out of real estate at that point―at least mentally―so […]
How To Get Skinny Fast. (Not “Skinny-Fat”)
I Lost 10 Pounds. Start Skinny Shaming Me! Okay, so far no one has skinny shamed me—to my face! But I’m sure it’s going to happen any day now because I’m getting skinny again, ya’ll. What’s the magic potion? Well, technically I’m not allowed to call it “magic” or “fat cure” or “God-in-a-bottle,” but I […]
Project: 50 First Dates aka Wanna Date Me?
Wanna Date? Shut. The. Front. Door! Project 50 first dates? Master Dater??? So, here’s the dealio. In case you’ve forgotten, I am now a (self-)certified Dating, Love and Relationship Coach—Expert! I mean, why not, right? I’ve studied love and relationships for years! Yes, because, like a mechanic’s broken down car, my own love life was […]
Facelifts and So Forth
What To Consider When Considering Cosmetic Surgery. Anxious and waiting—and possibly oozing beneath the mummified bandages—in the private clinic of a plastic surgeon’s office spotlighted by fluorescent lights … Me: The swelling isn’t that bad. Marilyn: I don’t know. I have no one to compare it to. I don’t know anyone who’s had a facelift […]
Flirting & Master Dater ShenANNAgins
How To Meet Single Men In Vancouver.. Or Not. A girl friend and I are strolling by a hole-in-the-brick-wall mysterious venue in Gastown when a tall, not unhandsome guy in retro military gear asks us, “Are you into fetish parties?” An army green 1940s BMW cafe racer with matching camo sidecar is parked beside this […]