Scene: Sitting in a coffee shop after skipping out on my MRI mammogram. I’m drinking a Canadiana—a drip coffee with a double shot of espresso that’s giving me triple-spasm jitters. (I don’t drink coffee anymore, never mind this high octane tasty tar.) So far as I know, there’s nothing wrong with my mams. I’m quite […]
… And Then I Got a Fcking Motorbike! Almost.
So I’m driving all over God’s creation looking for a trophy shop to recycle these real estate and humanitarian awards (singular on the latter, I wasn’t that good of a do-gooder) because I’m trying to save the planet. But while driving around, I’m polluting the hell out of it and wasting a lot of high-priced […]
The Sh*t We Talk About At Family Dinners. Warning: TMI.
(TMI=Too much info!) As you may know, my sister-in-law had cancer last year and part of this year—until part of her was removed—but you’ll be happy to know that she still has her ass and she’s cleared for take off, as in cancer-free! I didn’t divulge too much back then out of respect and because, […]
I Stab You in Neck With Fork. Or—This Is Me With PMS.
It’s been too long so I’m just going to start rambling and see where it goes. Bear with me. I’m jacked up on chocolate because I’m PMSing and another family member is in the hospital. Flashback to two hours ago: I waste petrol and kill planet to take a purpose driven dash down to the […]
Mexico: Weeks 3 & 4—On Mexican Dime
Friday: Go to the market, get weekly groceries, all organic: $45. Check. Go to bakery. (It’s a given at this point.) Get a fish taco (finally). Check. Go for a ‘Mayan’ massage—basically a hippy-dippy-chakra-balancing-my-heart-centre-hurts-and-my-legs-are-unshaven-prickly-incence-burning session. Nonetheless, afterwards, I feel pretty good even if my fourth chakra still sucks. Saturday: Bus to Mega store for organic […]
Mexico: Week Two—Dog Shit, Horse Shit, Bullshit
Friday: Go to Spanish class mildly hung over from the shenanigans with Montana Man (see Mexico: Week/Weak One post), which is held at the local gringos elementary school with an earthen-floor playground (as in: compacted dirt; as in: open-air outside). My school room is under a large palapa within the confines of la escuela (the […]
Mexico: Week One aka Weak One (Me)
Checklist: Make sure airplane leaves L.A. right on time—if right on time means Mexican time, which it does, then depart 45 minutes late for no apparent reason. Check. Arrive in Puerto Vallarta airport to 30 degree temperatures (celcius, that equals 85 ish for you U.S.ers) plus humidity wearing jeans and 14 layers of sweaters because […]
Warning: (r)Aging Lady. Aches and Pains and Plaque. Damn It.
I’m laying face down, almost naked save for skimpy skivvies (that be slang for panties). Can you tell my ass isn’t balanced? I ask, lifting my head. Yep, this side is more developed, he confirms. Shit. I knew it. That’s not good for your neck. I put my face down. He continues. It’s not noticeable […]
New Prescription: Red Lipstick & BJs
Mermaid, Tango and I go on a road trip to Ojai. We drive along the Pacific Coastal Highway in his red Mercedes convertible. It’s a balmy day and the top is down, so I hop in the backseat and feel like a six-year old on her way to Disneyland. Mermaid rides shotgun; her curly tresses […]
Warning: This Post Contains Potenially Politically Incorrect Ethncity Discussion. (Oh My!)
A peculiar quirk Americans have: watch-dogging political politeness. Total hypocrisy. I say Americans, as in U.S. inhabitants, because coming from a small, redneck town in Canada, I haven’t had the same experience around this topic. Here’s the polite repertoire of how I’ve heard ethnicity addressed where I’m from: white, black, Asian, East Indian, First Nations, […]