August. Getting ready for the music event (details later), my girlfriend and I discuss the art of flirting. Friend: “You’re so good at it, you have to show me what to do.” We’re both single. I reply, “It’s easy—make eye contact and laugh a lot.” Friend: “Okay, well, show me anyway.” She’s gorgeous and doesn’t […]
Bush Waxing: Tips to Get Through Your Fanny’s Forest
August. “Bush, bare or landing strip?” It seems like the most appropriate introductory question to ask a patio of a dozen men and women in their late 30s and 40s, most of whom I’ve just met. I’m at a friend of a friend’s house gathering and am preparing to go to an outdoor music event. […]
Alberta Beef Makes Me Horny
July. After a blow out with my family over (my) shit that needed to be dealt with (long time coming, will skip details but write sappy, dark, wrist-slashing prose later), I run away to recover a.k.a. calm my raging temper. Said temper, by the way, sends cortisol through my system leading to belly fat which […]
A Gamut of Guys—Gama Rays of Rejection OR Why Rejection is Good for You (Me)!
July. I met a great guy recently in my Small Town, who I hung out with for awhile, enjoyed the company of, laughed endlessly with, went on hikes with (well, one hike), had coffee with (thrice), and looked at real estate with (I’m no longer a licenced salesperson, therefore, don’t have a lockbox key, therefore, […]
Plus One—Why Being with Mr. For-Now is Preparing You for Mr. For-Ever
June. Chatting with a friend about her fast-fix, In & Out boyfriend got me thinking about all my past drive-thru relationships. I call them drive-thrus because they were speedy and convenient at the time, which often involved breaking up and getting back together several times (in & out) and satisfied a craving without really nourishing […]
What’s Up Doc?—Certainly Not My pH! (Unease or Dis-ease)
May. After no holds barred à la boulangerie (French for “bakery”) in Paris whereupon I gained seven pounds in seven days despite excessive walking and ab workouts (coughing due to second-hand cigarette smoke), I’m sitting in my GP’s office with a point form list in my hand (my LMLotFM sits beside me: for comfort and […]
Family Matters, Health Matters: Mind Over Matters?
April. I went to my Metaphysical/Intuitive/Aura-reading/Psychic Shrink (MIAPS). Well, I didn’t tell you the whole story … MIAPS, reading my cards: “Mmm … karmic debt.” Me, concerned: “What? What is it?” MIAPS, sighing compassionately: “You’re here for the summer for your family.” Me, sighing relieved: “Ooh.” We’re both thoughtful for a moment. Me, resigned: “Okay. […]
Poked and Prodded – Physically, Metaphysically
March. Poked and Prodded Part 1: Physically Me: “So I’ll just take my shirt off?” Him: “Leave your bra on.” Me: “It’s a workout top.” Him: “Put the straps under your arms.” Me: “Okay … but not the sweat pants, right?” Him: “Yes, take those off, too.” Me, avoiding eye contact: “But I haven’t shaved […]
How to Stay Single and Save the Planet: Don’t Shave Your Bits
March. Nary a hair (make that hairs) hath hastened my journey to self-accepted (and decidedly steadfast) singledom than these unsightly sprouts springing forth on my wild and wintered legs. Was it the holistic hippy retreat, the brisk Canadian cold (first official day of spring and it’s snowing) or the “I’ll never move back to (small […]
Summer Camp Campiness—Only Bare-Ass Naked
February. Driving back to Canada from California (solo)… The room is cozy with birch-panelled walls, roughly made wood furniture and three single beds (one in the loft) with a fluffy comforter and an extra sheet set on the bed. “How thoughtful,” I muse. There’s no TV and no telephone and no Wi-Fi (!), but there […]
