Aka AJs Honest Dating Site Profile
If I was going to advertise for a mate, here’s how my honest to Goodness Gracious dating site profile would read on various dating sites or apps …
match.com / eharmony.com / plentyofthrowbacks.com / ladyyouwillbesingleforever.com
Breve Lattes and Eckhart Tolle
Let’s be honest, my dateability score isn’t where it once was.
I’m not as good as I once was but I’m good once as I ever was! (I don’t know what that means, but it sounds good.)
Stats
- I’m 5’6, weigh 135 pounds (want to still weigh 125 pounds but at this stage I’m not counting on it).
- I have zero dependants. One day I may get allergy meds and a cat. #crazycatlady
- I’m 47, look like I’m 37, feel like I’m 27 and act like I’m 87.
What does this mean?
Great question!
It means I’m pro health and was, in my 30s, pro cosmetic procedure.
I no longer ascribe to unnatural enhancements, however, I could change my mind at any moment. I am a woman after all — a politically incorrect woman.
Natural-health consciousness has kept my insides relatively youthful and a voracious appetite for learning has kept my mind nimble.
Though I’m not destitute, I need to work to eat, and since I buy only organic groceries, I won’t be retiring anytime soon.
Personality
- I’m unfiltered, uncensored and lack shame (I avoid doing things that would garner the feeling, according to my values, hence the political incorrectness caveat) — all this to say that I overshare and have lax personal information boundaries.
- I’m direct and honest (not mean) and appreciate the same in others.
- I loathe sugar-coating, which some people refer to as being “sensitive to others’ feelings” or some such nonsense. 😉
- I don’t take things personally and am not mean-spirited or catty and wish everyone in the world was like me these ways.
- I’m patient with strangers while silently working through my impatience with loved ones in the above regard.
My theory is that if someone thinks I could benefit from knowing something that might allow me to better myself or love them in a way that works better for them, why would they hesitate to tell me?
I’m not a mind reader. Intuitive, yes; psychic, not so much.
Though I understand the psychology of why people, *cough* women, filter themselves, I wish those close to me could trust that I’ll be open to their opinions or observations, even if I choose to honour my own needs over their’s.
Plus, I’m pretty good at following the Four Agreements: Be honest, don’t assume, don’t take anything personally, do my best.
- I believe in open-mindedness, unique opinion, personal expression, consideration and agreeing to respectfully disagree.
- I’m a true blue introvert and need a fuck ton of solo quiet time.
- Sometimes I swear.
- I detest being woken up, rushed, pushed, pressured or teased. #redheadwrath
According to the Myers-Briggs Personality test, I’m an INFJ-T. Introvert, intuitive, feeling, judging, in case you’re not familiar.
My top two “love languages” in order are:
- Physical affection (I’m a hand-holder)
- Quality time (put your phone away when we’re together)
I once broke up with a guy who refused to ever hold my hand. It is that important to me. (And clearly, it was as important to him as well.)
I’m silly. Mostly in private, sometimes in public.
I’m monogamous — so are you — but don’t believe this comes naturally to the human species and thus this kind of sexual and intimate loyalty requires consciousness, conscientiousness, communication and creativity.
I believe in the possibility of a forever passionate love. You’re willing to give it a go.
Hobbies & Interests
Sex.
Just kidding. Well, not entirely.
I wrote that to get your attention, but though I’m not interested in casual sex, if I’m into you then you’ll get into me. TMI.
I read and/or listen to non-fiction books and audio books a lot. What’s a lot? Usually, one or two books a week.
Last five books read:
- Mating in Captivity by Ester Perel
- The State of Affairs by Ester Perel
- The Power of Now (again) by Eckhart Tolle
- Return to Love (again) by Marianne Williamson
- Influence – The Psychology of Persuasion (whaaat?) by Robert Cialdini
Walking and/or cycling along any waterfront path? Yes, please. Not spandex-clad road bicycling? Sorry, my tender vittle gets sore and cranky.
Budget friendly road trips? You bet! I prefer to see my country before jaunting off to foreign lands. Eastern Canada is on the bucket list.
I’m not opposed to luxury, I simply don’t need opulence to feel satisfied.
Camping: Do I have to make conversation with other nature lovers? Will wild animals be able to claw their way to me in the night? Must I touch a fish? These are the questions that will haunt us for many years to come.
I am a foodie. Spiritual teachers would say that “foodie” is a label of ego identification. I’m ok with that. I love all foods! Let’s explore! (Organic groceries for home, whatever for everywhere else.) [See new restricos and provisos below.]
I got baptized in the Jordan River. However, I find value in the teachings of many spiritual gurus: Tolle, Teal, Bashar, Bentinho, Kahn, Dyer, Hicks. Many of their ideations are similar.
I don’t drink or do drugs but have experienced mushrooms three times and Iboga one and a half times (I barfed it all up right away on the first go). Though I’m glad I tried these “natural medicines,” I have no desire to experiment further.
Though I’m pro 420, I detest weed and cigarettes. So do you.
I’m not a vegetarian or vegan and am not capitalizing these labels to save any vegetarians or vegans reading this from ego identification. You’re welcome. I respect and admire your conviction, but am too selfish to give up any foods I love. We are likely not a match. Namaste.
[Update / edit / restricto-proviso: Oh, for fuck’s sake, I just watched the documentary, “H.O.P.E. What You Eat Matters” and now I’m all trying to be a Feckan Vegan, capitalized “V.”
If you’re not a Vegan, I may still love you, but if you watch the doc — which is now part of the AJ va-jay-jay admission requirement — and thereafter don’t, at the very least, limit yourself to buying/eating field raised and finished animal products to appease me, well, I’ll have to give you the boot. Did I mention that I’m fickle? #neverdull
Further update: I just had a non-organic, breve latte in a to-go cup. #dammit]
Art galleries, live theatre, exploring a city, TedTalks, flea markets are all up my alley.
Without exception, I’m not into loud crowds. If you like live music, you’ll have to go with your friends or choose someone else with a less senses-sensitive easily-overstimulated brain. (You do have friends, yes?)
People watching in relatively quiet settings always works for me.
Hiking! I like hiking. I’ve hiked the Himalayas and to Machu Picchu (both solo, both in winter), but generally prefer shorter day hikes in good weather.
Generally, I’m a fair-weather outdoors person. Winters you’ll find me staying fit in the gym, though I do appreciate walks in the mild drizzle of the BC Wet Coast.
I meditate. Not all yoga-pose — I don’t do (capitalized) Yoga — lotus-position-one-with-all style. More like, well-I-sat-here-and-didn’t-fidget-too-much-and-that’s-good-enough style.
Sex.
I’m closing hobbies with sex because I might otherwise seem boring. Sex is never boring, even when it’s boring sex.
Character Flaws
Aside from whatever flaws you’ve deduced from the above — which, by the way is a trick statement to be elaborated on later — I have some other character defects that I’m not likely to evolve from entirely, or possibly ever.
- I consider myself an environmentalist. I’ll never give that up, but because I eat meat and fly around on jet planes, I could also be considered a hypocrite.
- I don’t like sandy beach resorts and find social interactions with inconsequential chitchat mundane.
- I believe we (all humans) ought to love and accept each other for exactly who we are today, but I pretty much mentally judge everyone all the time for any differences I disapprove of. (I’m working on this flaw.)
- I’m honest. That doesn’t mean I’m right, but I have a hard time holding back my opinions and I do not have much delicacy in the delivery. Men tend to love this trait, women do not, which brings me to…
- I have more close male friends than female friends, undoubtedly because of my previous confession about honesty and delivery. Men seem to appreciate not having to guess, whereas women want all beings to just know.
- I have little tolerance for insecurity or neediness. I complete me; you complete you. Together is simply a wild love card bonus. Love and completion are not one and the same.
- I have zero tolerance for negativity and complaining. Solutions and silver linings are my go-to practice.
Change the situation or your attitude or shut your pie hole you crazy SOB. ~ AJ modified Eckhart Tolle quote.
Though I’m not materialistic, I’m also no longer driven to succeed. Been there done that, have the PTSD to prove it.
As such, I’m not easily motivated; my actions derive from inspiration and the whole “follow your bliss” thing. Nonetheless, I live within my means and pay my bills.
- I believe in appropriate-ish political incorrectness and at the same time kindness.
- I’m allergic to your children, step-children and grandchildren. And dogs.
- I am not a feminist. I’m a fairness-ist.
- I’m not a culinary genius.
You buy dinners out and the occasional pricy event. I dress to the nine’s and make you proud to be with me.
I pick up socks, love doing laundry and believe in providing sexual rewards.
My “trick statement” is meant to weed out those who see my flaws as flaws rather than adorable quirks they’ll want to embrace for the long haul.
My Match Might Be
An intellectual. No need for sweater vests — though, um, yum — or book smarts, just have something interesting to talk about.
Quite likely someone who is also an introvert, or at least an ambivert capable of independent socializing when I’m introverting/introspecting/justnotthatintoit.
(You can probably persuade me to socialize in a group setting about once a month.)
An alpha male. Not loud. Not aggressive. But certain and self-assured. You know who you are and don’t need anyone’s approval, including mine, to be who you are.
Patient and accepting, but able to stand up to me when I need it. Oh, I’ll need it, alright, and if you’re a pussy, I’ll have no respect for you. No respect means no sex. Actually, it means no relationship.
Independent. You don’t need me, you hang around because we bring value to each others’ lives.
Physically affectionate. Hand-holding and cuddling: Absofuckinglutely. PDAs? When appropriate. (And sometimes, when not.)
You’re fit but not body obsessed, taller than me when I’m in heels, close to my age, and not an asshole.
Tinder
Political Beliefs
I believe in quality, organic dark chocolate and the Sexual Rewards Libertarian System.
Well, that about wraps it up.
Cut to: AJ, 90, still single and writing politically incorrect dating advice for seniors.
xo AJ
