I’m still cranky.
I’m allowed to be cranky. Cranky is allowed.
I’m cranky with the state of the world and all its unfairness and the crankiness it’s causing in so many people.
I want to run away and hide in the deep woods but then I’d need Deep Woods mosquito repellant and that stuff is smelly (and probably toxic).
And cougars, though I could probably take them. Or I’d at least give it a whirl because I am that cranky.
I’ve spent a not-so-small fortune on health care yet I’m not healed.
I could’ve bought that little spider-inhabited cabin in the woods for crying out loud!
So, I’m cranky at my body for not giving me the energy I need to do what I want to do.
And I’m cranky at my psyche for feeling cranky when others in the world actually have it bad.
Life. And the threat of them losing it.
Honestly, I’m also a little cranky at God, which is kinda scary because well, God!
But He’s got bigger fish to fry so maybe He’ll not teach me a lesson and be all, “Oh, you think you’ve got it bad, Anna J? You don’t know how good you’ve got it… here, let Me show you how bad it can really be.”
That would suck.
So, I’d better smarten up, lift my chin up and get out of this shitty pit and bitter pattern.
I may have to take my own advice and learn to accept what I cannot change. (My health.)
Surrender to whatever may be… a limited life interspersed with naps.
I guess that’s not that bad. I like naps.
I’ve tried, Lord knows I’ve tried, to do everything I can to fix my body.
I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I give up, I throw in the towel, I relent.
God’s will be done.
Take the wheel.
This is all I’ve got today. If you got nothing else out of this, I hope you got that it’s ok to not be ok all the time. I’m not.
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