Say Like Jim Carrey in Liar Liar, “Magoo!”
I just finished watching the available episodes of Ted Lasso on AppleTV.
It’s about a coach with silver lining syndrome who’s life purpose is to help his team’s athletes achieve their dreams in football, and life. (UK football, so think US soccer.)
I basically spent a Sunday in PJs in my new abode binge-watching every episode.
I’ve moved over 30 times in my life if you don’t count the three winters I spent in L.A. and the on-and-off two years I was in Seattle (I had my own apartment in Seattle, so it should count, really).
Every time I move I get rid of more “stuff.”
Stuff includes material items and certain mementos, but also includes some of the melancholy and heavy memories I’ve collected along the way embodied in those mementos.
Part of me wants to settle down somewhere and root in, develop community and learn the names of my neighbours.
Say things like, “Hello, Fred, how was the walk today with Fluffy?” (Fluffy being his dog not his wife.)
The gypsy part of me gets bored and looks for the next adventure. Or new neighbourhood. Or, as in the past, new country.
I’ve been in my new space for a month and already am looking at condos in another area.
I don’t know if I’ll move again just yet.
Maybe I’m not a woman who can be satiated. Geographically speaking, at least. 😉
I’m content in my lifestyle, though.
Happy even, despite the limitations my health issues have created.
Speaking of my health…
I’m pretty sure I’ve been having more good days than bad and my energy seems better.
There are still days I don’t get out of bed, but those are fewer and further between.
Come to think of it, those days are pretty much limited to the weekends I have chelation treatment (a mild form of chemo therapy) for heavy metal toxicity.
Nonetheles, I’m in bed by 7:00 pm and asleep by 10:00 pm but there are also fewer naps and I’ve even added some basic exercises to my routine.
I continue to take an arsenal of medications and supplements, which I’m not thrilled about, but maybe it’s all helping.
And recently I found out I’m low in cortisol mid-day. Cortisol shouldn’t decline until later in the day or one loses steam early.
I’m also low in testosterone! Go figure.
Here’s a recent convo with my naturopathic doctor:
My ND, “How’s your energy?”
Me, “I’m in bed by 7pm.”
Me, “Brain fog, memory isn’t as great as it used to be.”
ND, “Vaginal dryness?”
I laugh, “Not that I’m aware of but I have no way of knowing.”
I want to tell her I’ve considered “playing the banjo” before hitting the sheets but would end up with carpel tunnel before the “sleepy time release” would happen.
I don’t bother telling her this because it seems like more info than she needs.
Me, “I have no libido. None, nada. Zip. It’s kind of convenient, actually.”
My ND informs me that balanced hormones are healthy and may help increase my energy as well as fix my focus.
Me, “So if I take testosterone I’ll be a horny, focused cougar able to prowl at night?”
We both laugh, but I’m not sure the pros outweighs the cons.
Here’s something else that happened…
I got a TV.
A big ass HD beautiful EMF-spewing Smart TV.
I now wait with bated breath for my weekly new episode of Ted Lasso.
I haven’t had or watched TV or whatever can be watched on one since 2006 when I got divorced.
When I was married we watched a lot of the telly, so when my ex and I split up 15 years ago, I left him the TV (and house and everything in it except a sofa and some kitchenware) and started fresh.
For many of those years I was too busy being a workaholic to watch TV.
Then, after I quit real estate sales, when I did have extra time, I read books, a lot of books.
And slept. I slept a lot.
And the building of a new career filled in the gaps.
Speaking of filling in the gap…
I don’t want to be a horny cougar on the prowl.
It’s ironic how much I enjoy being single considering I’m peddling love advice.
But here’s the thing—just because I’m content being solo doesn’t mean everyone is.
And just because my heart isn’t lonely and I don’t long for a relationship doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced the joy of having wonderful relationships in the past.
It’s been too long for me to remember what longing or loneliness feels like, but I am an empath and I can feel the longing in others’ hearts.
I can also feel the disappointment when they feel rejected. It’s awful and that makes me terribly sad for them.
I want to help them resolve their angst and pain by them finding their right mate.
Ultimately, I want people to be happy, or perhaps more accurately, I want them to find relief from suffering.
And yes, you can absolutely be happy and joyful being single—if that’s how you’re wired.
But not everyone is wired like that.
Being in a loving relationship is a wonderful experience, no question.
I’ve been there. And even though I’m not there anymore, I don’t feel I’ve lost anything.
I experienced something lovely and that feels like a happy memory, a memory that brings joy not sorrow.
So, for those who want an intimate romantic relationship, I want to help them get that. (Just not with me!)
But, like Ted Lasso, I also want to help them find the best of the rest of their life along the way to that goal.
Longing is suffering.
I lost that longing feeling in 2010.
That’s the year I went to Israel with My Little Mom and got baptized in The River Jordan.
At the time, I thought I was doing it for my mom, but God was doing it for me. (He’s tricky that way.)
I’ve never felt lonely or longing since.
It’s the oddest thing to describe. There’s a sense of underlying peace in that area.
If the rest of my days are solo, I’m completely at ease with that possibility.
Maybe it’s because I have friends. Or even more so, trust myself to always be able to make friends now that I know how to. (See memoir.)
Connection is a basic human need.
I think love is, too, but not necessarily romantic love for everyone. (Though this is likely influenced by hormones.)
I haven’t shared this openly before now because I know how it must look with me being a dating and relationship coach.
But I think there’s an unhealthy stigma to staying single, whether by choice or by circumstance.
And people are dealing with enough stress these days. Why add shame to the mix.
I promise this isn’t for me. I feel no shame in my relationship status, but many do.
And, as previously mentioned, I’m not saying I’ll never be open to a relationship again. I might!
It’s simply not a priority right now.
My priorities, in order:
- Friends (yes, before family, sometimes this is how it goes)
- Ted Lasso (only half kidding)
- Family (they bump up if there’s a crisis, of course)
Maybe I’m content because I feel I do have a God-given purpose: to help others find the love they seek. And to help them make the most of life in the meantime.
I guess that’s why I love Ted Lasso so much.
He’s kind of the male equivalent of the Pollyanna, Magoo, helping others find their greatest potential and happy place in the world.
Update: I just got the to part where Ted Lasso needs a shrink. Oh, great.
This brings me to my alternative theory…
I’ll tell you more about this in my next blog…
In the meantime, if you have any thoughts, please leave them in a public comment below this blog, not in an email. God bless!