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How To Get Skinny Fast. (Not "Skinny-Fat")

I Lost 10 Pounds. Start Skinny Shaming Me!Okay, so far no one has skinny shamed me—to my face! But I'm sure it's going to happen any day now because I'm getting skinny again, ya'll. What's the magic potion? Well, technically I'm not allowed to call it "magic" or "fat cure" or "God-in-a-bottle," but I ain't gonna lie. Dis shit is da bomb. The bulge-busting bomb, baby! "This stuff" is Thrive. And, yeah, I'm convinced it's making me svelte! Before we get to the part where I lost 10 pounds in a month—plus an inch off my muffin top—let me explain how I first gained the weight. Also, I'm disclosing that if you buy Thrive through me I do so...

Waiting For Someone To Squeeze My Boobs.

Scene: Sitting in a coffee shop after skipping out on my MRI mammogram. I’m drinking a Canadiana—a drip coffee with a double shot of espresso that’s giving me triple-spasm jitters. (I don’t drink coffee anymore, never mind this high octane tasty tar.) So far as I know, there’s nothing wrong with my mams. I’m quite pleased with my pleasure-holding sweater stretchers. I only signed up for this advanced screening method because my tampered-with (read: enhanced) Ta-tas don’t qualify for the regular squishy screening option. And I’m 43 and haven’t had one done yet and half of my not-related-by-blood family has/had cancer recently and, even though they’re not by-blood loved ones, I am a paranoid-slightly-OCD-anxious hypochondriac. (Refer to several other blog...

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