My Purpose: Entertain, Inspire, Be Happy, Free Hugs!
 

And That’s How I Became A Phone Sex Operator. Almost.

My Terms and Conditions text reply …•Payment in advance•Paypal: mailto:findme@wingmam.com•US$500/hr; min 1hr fee charged•US$125/15 min after 1st hr •(65/70/75min=$625; 80/85/90min=$750)•By appt—24hrs; limited availability on weekends•If you call w/o an appt & I answer, time & 1/2•Text only to make appt•No personal questions about me •No naughty comments directed to me•No recordings•No photos•I don’t participate, but I will facilitate•(I can encourage or act innocent.) •No stories about animals, children, elderly, invalids, aliens!•No violence or gore•I can end a call at any time if I feel uncomfortable (one warning given)•I can end or modify this agreement at any time for any reason (credits refunded)•I can write about it if I choose •Any questions?So how did this intercourse, er, I mean text communication...

Kiss and Tell. Fuckit, Why Not?

People have different ways of dealing with the impending death of a loved one. Some of those ways might not be considered healthy, but I say if we can garner a laugh out of it—and walk away without STDs or too many bruises (inner or outer)—then, BAM, why the F not? Here’s how it went down … (Mind out of gutter, we’re not at that part. Yet!) A few Fridays ago, I’m in my cozy abode deciding if I want to mope or make myself Little Miss Social. So, upon receiving an event invite, I—Vacillate between jamming out or going out; decide to go out; tell Marilyn for accountability.Call mom; cry.Put on upbeat house music to get in the anti-introvert...

A Frank Conversation about Sexual Preferences: Anything Goes between Consenting Adults.

Boracay Beach, Philippines Blog Nine.We're at Nigis, and he's showing us risqué photos on his iPhone of the Lady-boys he's been with. Wait, let me "back up" a bit. (And forewarn My Little Mom about the adult content of this blog.) Earlier (like fifteen minutes ago) ... I'm at Nigis. Blue Eyes is here along with an array of expats and tourists. I meet the aforementioned lady-boy lover. We'll call him Frank, because he is. He's been in the Philippines since 2006. He's a consultant—for whom I don't know—for finding missing persons with a hotel and hospitality background. And now he lives here. In Boracay. (Not at Nigis, though he is a regular.) Then Kite Boarder—aka flutter, swoon,...

Vacation Sex: What Happens In Boracay Stays in Boracay (And in This Blog).

Boracay Beach, Philippines Blog Four. I'm at Nigi Nigi Nu Noos "e" Nu Nu Noos with Blue Eyes. Nigis is one of the popular local hangouts for ex-pats and "white" tourists who have left their homes and native lands to travel to this exotic destination rich in culture—if poor in conditions—only to coagulate with their own flock in a beach bar with hot wings and cheap beer on the menu and Cheap Trick on the radio. I sit at the bar drinking bottled water (as I'm not much of a drinker) and observe the crowd while Blue Eyes chats with the bartender, who plunks down another Blue Eyes "regular" (as he is more of a drinker).It's relatively early. There aren't...

Just What Category of Sex ARE We Agreeing To?

From the time I was 21, I’ve gone from one serious, committed relationship to the next with nary a breather in betwixt. Oh sure, a couple of times between those relationships I tested the sheets with a few non-relationship fellows—I think that’s common nowadays and, even if not, that’s what I did as part of my journey. But for the most part, my M.O. was as follows: meet man, have chemistry, have sex, move in, fight, break up, repeat cycle. The details could fill a boring, repetitive book. (I didn’t put all this tedium in my “Memoir.”) After my split with my ex-husband, Nice Man, almost seven years ago now, I went through a rapid series of serious relationships;...

The Art of Flirting

August. Getting ready for the music event (details later), my girlfriend and I discuss the art of flirting. Friend: “You’re so good at it, you have to show me what to do.” We’re both single. I reply, “It’s easy—make eye contact and laugh a lot.” Friend: “Okay, well, show me anyway.” She’s gorgeous and doesn’t even have to follow the two-step protocol I’ve just given her. She just needs to show up, but somehow she can’t see it. I say, “You need to learn to love yourself! Look at you. I love me. I think I’m amazing! In a non-narcissistic way, of course. And you’re way hotter...

Bush Waxing: Tips to Get Through Your Fanny’s Forest

August. “Bush, bare or landing strip?” It seems like the most appropriate introductory question to ask a patio of a dozen men and women in their late 30s and 40s, most of whom I’ve just met. I’m at a friend of a friend’s house gathering and am preparing to go to an outdoor music event. They seem like open-minded (read: alcohol-consuming) folk, plus they’re friends of my friend, who is most certainly open-minded so that must say something. “Bush, bare or landing strip? I just Mach 3 razored my entire bush off, and I’m worried I’ll be walking funny later. Tips and reducing itch?” We go around the patio sharing our salon styling secrets and...

Alberta Beef Makes Me Horny

July. After a blow out with my family over (my) shit that needed to be dealt with (long time coming, will skip details but write sappy, dark, wrist-slashing prose later), I run away to recover a.k.a. calm my raging temper. Said temper, by the way, sends cortisol through my system leading to belly fat which makes me even more maddened. Frick. So, I run away to Quadra Island, BC, which is a 10-minute ferry ride from where I’m ‘staying’ with my LMLotFM (Little Mexican Lady on the Floor Mom) since I sold all my possessions and ran away to California last year after having a 7-year midlife crisis after my divorce, which lead to a secret life in Seattle and,...

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