My Purpose: Entertain, Inspire, Be Happy, Free Hugs!
 

And THEN I Became A Lesbian. Almost.

Almost, people! Almost!So I’m sitting at the take-out bar in Tacofino chowing down on a big-ass chorizo burrito and inadvertently eavesdropping on the convo next to me. I’m alone, so what else am I gonna do? Listen to the incessant thoughts roaming around in my mind? That’s been boring so far:Maybe I should go back and take the make-up class [at the swordplay school] …But the instructor had that big, ripe pimple in the crack of his nose. I’d be distracted by the it whole class.Like what if it exploded while I was in mid-thrust? I might accidentally impale myself.Besides, I’m halfway through this monster-sized meat snack. It’s not good to exercise on a full stomach, they say. Plus, if...

And Then I Went To L.A. For An Audition…

Before we get to the juicy bits—not my juicy bits, the juicy bits of this story—let us meander back to where this trip originated from … when I was 10 years old.If you read my memoir, you might recall the shyness-overtakes-me-again-dammit episode where I’m the star runner of track and field, and on the big day (meet day), I totally flee the scene because I’m so nervous I almost barf on the coach. No, you don’t remember that? Well, obvi, I sure as shit did.Which brings me right up to speed to the fast-paced La La Land!A few years ago, I was “finding myself”—aka continuing my identity crisis—and following my dream of being a high paid, well-acclaimed screen writer *cough*...

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