My Purpose: Entertain, Inspire, Be Happy, Free Hugs!
 

Facelifts and So Forth

What To Consider When Considering Cosmetic Surgery. Anxious and waiting—and possibly oozing beneath the mummified bandages—in the private clinic of a plastic surgeon's office spotlighted by fluorescent lights ... Me: The swelling isn't that bad. Marilyn: I don't know. I have no one to compare it to. I don't know anyone who's had a facelift done. Me: Oh, you do. You just don't know that you do. I've seen a few. This ain't bad, I promise. Marilyn: That's encouraging! The surgeon comes in, and I take a close look at him to see if he's had any "work" done, as if it might reflect on his ability. Of course it doesn't unless he's operating on himself, and that would really...

Let's Talk Razor Burn.

...Because Then She Shaved My Face...If you want a detailed list of the cosmetic procedures I've done to look baby-face fresh, you'll have to read my memoir. Or at least skip to that chapter. Oh wait, details are sprinkled throughout. In that case, feel free to skim-read—though, you would be missing out on plenty of shits and giggles-snorts. Just sayin' ... Just sayin'. Who else dislikes that saying? Riiight? (And that one.) And yet it slips out, not unlike a—I'll skip the innuendo because I'm a grown-up now. Though I can probably give myself one more year. I mean who ends adolescence at 44? OCDness alone begs another year (to make 45), but six is preferable (to round up to...

Two Words: Bionic. Vagina.

Taking Charge Of Urinary Incontinence aka Leaky Bladder.Before we get to female aging and bodily disfunctions...One: I apologize. I apologize for not writing for so long. I'm sorry. I'm Canadian so I'm always sorry. It's in our nature. And yes, I am grouping all Canadians into this friendly-nature-and-polite-apologizing generality. So sue me. (Um, if you're not a Canadian, we don't actually sue each other in Canada, it's only a joke. No, really, we're just not that into it.)Ttwo: You're welcome. I'm writing this after a glass of wine (Sonoma Pinot Noir) because I met a cute guy recently and foolishly gave him the link to this site. And even though he's too young for me, I did see chest hairs...

In Kathmandu Playing 'Cat and Mouse' with A Dastardly Old Hound.

Oh, Lolita! I would like to preface this tattletale by admitting that I took my chances choosing such a provocatively controversial novel—Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. It’s the tale (pun) of a thirty-seven-year-old man (pedophile) obsessed with a twelve-year-young nymphette. Let that be a lesson to me. However, mes cheries! I did give "Almost a Grandfather"—married to Almost a Grandmother!—ample opportunity to respect my boundaries. Let this be a lesson to him. So after our Annapurna Circuit trekking group is back at Kathmandu Guest House, I ask to be moved as far away from "Almost's" chamber as is physically possible. Surprised, the manager behind the desk clerk asks, Did he make inappropriate advances toward you? ...

Warning: (r)Aging Lady. Aches and Pains and Plaque. Damn It.

I’m laying face down, almost naked save for skimpy skivvies (that be slang for panties).Can you tell my ass isn’t balanced? I ask, lifting my head.Yep, this side is more developed, he confirms.Shit. I knew it. That’s not good for your neck. I put my face down. He continues.It’s not noticeable except that I’m touching it. He chuckles.The bedroom lighting is dim thanks to an adjustable light switch. I’m slathered in coconut oil. He can’t possibly see too much (I hope) while he kneads my gluteus maximus, which apparently is maxed out more on one side. This imbalance doesn’t bode well for OCD-me. I muffle this through the flannel sheet.It’s because of my damn hip injury way back whenever.He asks...

Today I’m Kind of Sad. And Fat.

The highlight of my week is the Wednesday Santa Monica Farmers’ Market. It’s really the only place my budget allows me to buy unabashedly; after all, I need to eat, right? Numerous vendors sell everything from chocolate mint to persimmons and to fresh-baked artisan breads, from all manner of cattle (beef, bison, pork) to the most colourful array of produce; my favourite is the green, yellow, red, purple and almost black heirloom tomatoes—oh, my Golly, they’re like candy! I’ve taken to blending my breakfast. Mermaid, my housemate, has a Blendtec, which is a professional grade food pulverizer. Some argue that the Vitamix is the best. I’ve used both and prefer the former, though our friend, Tango (he dances), swears by...

New Prescription: Pork and Port

Mermaid and I go on a road trip to the Ventura Flea Market and then to Ojai, both about a 90-minute drive north of Venice Beach. Being of the eco-friendly nature, she drives a hybrid. Being of the collecting treasures kind, said hybrid is already stacked with former flea market finds: fabrics, blankets, baskets, wall hangings, knickknacks, burlap bags, canvas, metal wheel frame, and so on.“Um, where are you going to put anything else?” I ask her.“Oh, the trunk is almost empty,” she replies.I ask her why she’s storing these treasures in the car. She tells me that she’s doing a show in early December, and it’s easier to leave them in the car than to haul them into the...

Using the “C” Word in Public—(And the “F” Word in this Post)

Warning: This blog contains a lot of the following swears: Fuck and cellulite. I haven’t had a dose of vanity insanity since I had shit put in my chinny chin chin back when I’d first arrived in Los Angeles, home of the overdose of overdone. A Doctor Yummy in Beverly Hills put out a Groupon coupon for a discount on Botox and naturally, being a thrifty, responsible gal, I figured I was saving money, and face, by clicking Buy Now! (The fact that I wanted to meet the dreamy dermatologist had nothing to do with my decision. [Fib.] The fact that a Doctor who’s been on The View, Oprah et al. and who is offering Groupon does not go...

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