My Purpose: Entertain, Inspire, Be Happy, Free Hugs!
 

A Serious Case of the Sads.

Since I haven't written in what seems like forever, I'm going to have to just sum up. I've gone through a shit storm of sadness with people I love dropping like flies. I can't tell you any more than that because it involves others who are private and don't want people to know what's going on in their lives. Suffice it to say that it's been a big struggle, and I have been wading through the muck of emotion for several months. There have been funny times during the morose moments. I can't detail that yet either, but it involves inappropriate taxidermy jokes. In general, I've been in Campbell River for months taking short breaks to hit Vancouver (I do...

Death, Dating ... Dominatrix? I Am Disturbed.

Facetious Financier wouldn't tell me how he got the photo of my butt, but it was posted on Facebook for a while because I was in the midst of my midlife crisis at the time and, well, why not, right? I was already on my way out of real estate at that point―at least mentally―so might as well throw on a dominatrix outfit and go parading around in public. (But it was Vegas, and I was one of a trio, so it wasn't like I was the only.) I would be deeply ashamed of myself for this―and several other escapades―except for the fact that I say shame on shame! Plus, my shenanigans inspire people; they know that they can redeem...

How To Get Skinny Fast. (Not "Skinny-Fat")

I Lost 10 Pounds. Start Skinny Shaming Me!Okay, so far no one has skinny shamed me—to my face! But I'm sure it's going to happen any day now because I'm getting skinny again, ya'll. What's the magic potion? Well, technically I'm not allowed to call it "magic" or "fat cure" or "God-in-a-bottle," but I ain't gonna lie. Dis shit is da bomb. The bulge-busting bomb, baby! "This stuff" is Thrive. And, yeah, I'm convinced it's making me svelte! Before we get to the part where I lost 10 pounds in a month—plus an inch off my muffin top—let me explain how I first gained the weight. Also, I'm disclosing that if you buy Thrive through me I do so...

Project: 50 First Dates aka Wanna Date Me?

Wanna Date?Shut. The. Front. Door! Project 50 first dates? Master Dater??? So, here’s the dealio. In case you’ve forgotten, I am now a (self-)certified Dating, Love and Relationship Coach—Expert! I mean, why not, right? I’ve studied love and relationships for years! Yes, because, like a mechanic’s broken down car, my own love life was in dire straits and needed some serious fixing. Crazy as it seems, I know a thing or ten thousand about people. But a mechanic doesn’t often get around to their own vehicle—until they have to. After giving love and relationship advice all these years, I figured I’d better start walking the talk. Yep. Luck favours the bold and brazen. (And crazy.) Here I...

Facelifts and So Forth

What To Consider When Considering Cosmetic Surgery. Anxious and waiting—and possibly oozing beneath the mummified bandages—in the private clinic of a plastic surgeon's office spotlighted by fluorescent lights ... Me: The swelling isn't that bad. Marilyn: I don't know. I have no one to compare it to. I don't know anyone who's had a facelift done. Me: Oh, you do. You just don't know that you do. I've seen a few. This ain't bad, I promise. Marilyn: That's encouraging! The surgeon comes in, and I take a close look at him to see if he's had any "work" done, as if it might reflect on his ability. Of course it doesn't unless he's operating on himself, and that would really...

Flirting & Master Dater ShenANNAgins

How To Meet Single Men In Vancouver.. Or Not. A girl friend and I are strolling by a hole-in-the-brick-wall mysterious venue in Gastown when a tall, not unhandsome guy in retro military gear asks us, "Are you into fetish parties?" An army green 1940s BMW cafe racer with matching camo sidecar is parked beside this scene with an antique ambulance behind it. A blockbuster-movie-sized photo light is aimed at the MASH ensemble. (I find out later Camo Guy owns the props in this mini movie set.) I scan the crowd loitering in the drizzling mist outside of the nameless lounge and see similarly attired patrons, several in skin-exposing camo, military boots and brush cuts. The men are just as interesting....

What's Wrong With Me??

This Blog Has Nothing To Do With Lesbianism And That's Why I Changed The Title Y'all.(Just roll eyes and keep reading...)He's got one latex-gloved finger deep in my mouth and the other stuck in my ear.I mumble something unintelligible, and he pulls his spittle-covered finger out of my mouth with a twist of his wrist as though twirling drippage from a just-poured bottle of wine.I swallow the accumulated saliva, clear my throat, stretch my jaw wide—activating a popping sound on my left side—and ask him, Did you hear that?He did.He waits with his hand in mid-air waiting for me to tell him whatever else I’m about to say.Me: Oh. Yes. No, nothing.But what I'm really thinking is how challenging it is...

And Then I Moved To Vancouver. I Think.

Episode One: The Silver FoxI flew over on Harbour Air. The water-landing five-seater delivered me from the harbour of my adulthood hometown to the harbour of downtown Vancouver. Forty minutes and 25 pounds of luggage, and I'm in the "big city."The intention was to stay at a girl friend's place while she is away to see if I like the city. Her place is near the Seawall—a pedestrian/bicycle path that meanders along the oceanfront and around Stanley Park—and within a few blocks of the hub of downtown Vancouver. Like!By the end of the first day, when asked where I live, I say, "I'm from Comox, but I'm thinking of moving here." By the end of the second day, it becomes...

Born-Again Virgin Seeks Semi-Chauvinist And Meaning Of Life. Or A Job. P.S. Vagina.

I'm at The Broken Spoke, an espresso-slash-bicycle shop. It reminds me of Deus Cafe in Venice, California, only Deus has pricey cafe racers and low quality coffee. The BS has affordable pedal bikes and rich, delish espresso. As a California-converted coffee snob, I now drive across town (seven minutes) for the best stuff: thick as molasses and smooth as Rihanna's clam. (I assume.) Speaking of vaginas—and, in my case, cobwebs—I went to my urologist the other day for more tests on my taco. Actually, they were bladder tests, but that's not nearly as fun to write, or say, aloud. Seriously, try it. "Bladder." "Taco." Or ... "Vagina!" Vagina: the funnest to say. The doctor is mid 30s and kind of...

Spirituality and Skinny Dipping.

Back in Canada, in my adulthood hometown, I thought for sure I would need to turn to mind-altering-slash-life-numbing substances. Maybe not right away—summers are lovely here—but perhaps by autumn and definitely by winter when day"light" (daygray) hours are from 8:00am to 4:30pm.But a funny thing happened.I drove home from Los Angeles, made record time, enjoyed clear freeways, experienced no border-crossing wait and no ferry-boat wait. And all with perfect weather.But that's not the funny thing. (Funny as in funny-peculiar.)The odd thing is—(pause, breath)—when I drove off that old, familiar ferry-boat arriving on Vancouver Island, I felt happy to be home.Home.This is the first time in four years of returning to Canada after traveling that, one, I felt good about being...

 Showing 1 - 10 of 80 Posts Older Posts >