Basic Needs in Cowtown (Or Really Anytown!)
The good news is that I’ve been in my rental building for almost two months now, and I’m still not in the intercom system. That means when Canada Post tries to deliver packages, the delivery person can’t find me, and I’m forced to leave my hibernation mode and go outside to retrieve said packages from the post office.
Oh, and what’s in these packages, you ask?
Necessities, I tell you, absolute necessities!
Ok, fine, here’s what I now consider basic household items: a wee wood rolling pin, adorable plaid-patterned cupcake baking cups, a super cute apron with something-or-other print, a totally practical, wire cookie-cooling tray and a nonstick cookie sheet. Oh! And a 6” (individual serving size) round springform cake pan!
And I don’t just go to the store to buy them because I don’t have a car here, and why should I take an hour of my life on public transit when I can shop online and have them delivered to my door? (And thereafter, nearest post office.)
Yes, I should be 500 pounds because I’ve taken up baking (and eating) desserts every day. But I’m not because … hello — amazing supplement system!
The reason I’m eating like there’s no tomorrow is because:
- I miss my mom.
- Business is slow.
- My metabolism is fast.
- I can’t afford a social life.
- I don’t want a social life (right now).
Plus, I fricken love food and apparently, at least according to my own tastes, I’m a damn fine baker.
In the last couple weeks, I’ve made (and eaten) lemon cheesecake, lemon cheesecake mousse, chocolate nut bark (two trays), almond shortbread cookies and peanut butter cookies.
(Not 500 pounds. Thrivin’. Just sayin’. I’m actually writing another blog about everything I’ve eaten. Truly it’s sinful.)
Anyway, the building manager now avoids me and doesn’t return my bi-weekly text messages:
- Hey! Here I go to the post office again, need anything?
- Hi, Murray! Hope you’re having a great day! Any word on the buzzer?
- Me again! News? Cheers!
- Your favourite resident :)))) #bzzbzz
- Goooood morning! I know, I know … 1st world problems! hehe
- Look, I don’t mean to bug you but all these packages are necessities — have you tried cutting a carrot with a flimsy steak knife on a glass cutting board? Srsly
- Starting to think God wants me to move. Again.
- *Sigh* I know it’s not your fault. Who do I need to talk to?
- Hello? Hello? Is this thing on? lol (lol?)
On the days that I know I have important packages being delivered from delivery companies (Loomis, FedEx, UPS) that don’t leave them for pickup at the post office, I simply work from the lobby. From there, I can watch the front door and accost every delivery person that shows up with arms full.
This won’t break me! Hell, no! I’ve been through way worse. Like the time I had to wear black shoes with a navy dress because my metallic charcoal stilettos give me blisters and I’d forgotten to go get new, comfort-first coordinating footwear!
But I got through that disaster with charisma and fast-moving hand motions (to distract anyone from looking at my feet), so I can get through this intercom inconvenience without going postal.
Anyway, if that’s the worst of it — it’s not, but there’s no need to go full-blown victim in this post — then let’s just go back to my current motto: Always leave them wanting more!
No, wait, that’s my Wingmam motto.
Oh, yeah, I remember!
Motto: Life is an adventure!
Ok, these are older Snaps from the summer (before I moved from Vancouver to Calgary), but watch them anyway. I’m seeing a trend in my life: a constant battle between gluttony and vanity. Vanity always wins in the end, that whore.